The Scar Unseen

We are not going to discuss the knee injury that prevented you from going pro or kept you from being drafted, going to college or even juniors. Time to stop hanging on to that story you have been telling everyone while you sit at the bar hoping someone acknowledges your once upon a time greatness. This goes MUCH deeper than that line of sewn skin or pin holes from the needles adorning your body. We all have something physical that has happened in our lives that we often pin as one of our defining moments. For many of us it is the injuries we don't discuss that are what actually pins us down the most. Those injuries that can either drive us to fully succeed, help us achieve more, or push us into a life of struggling just to be mediocre. Add in the every daily grind and the up and down relationships, kids, family, fans, coworkers and things get a bit heavy. Lets be honest, none of them will ever fully understand that one scar that truly defines you and no one needs to know.

I have spoken with Veterans, Athletes, Friends and Coaches that have gotten injured and sewn up only to get right back in the battle. Doctors upon Doctors have had a go at me and yet each scar seems to be a story that still hides The Scar that defines me. I have yet to determine if the scars we all have are graded on a scientific scale of greater importance. When I am at the VA Hospital I am humbled to be with some of the worlds finest people. But, it only takes a few minutes to figure out their is an unannounced competition going on. Once the guys get to discussing the units they served with and the places they have been stationed it all starts. So which is the most honorable and impressive scar? The scar down the middle of the chest or maybe that long line on the elbow, the holes where needles were inserted to fix something, the tiny little scar on the finger? All of these are the scars we carry with pride? What about the ones we don't see or get to hear about?

I clearly remember watching Clint Malarchuk get his neck sliced by a hockey skate and only the thing that kept him alive was his own quick thinking as he clutched his throat. That scene was embedded into many of us that watched it happen and one can only imagine the scar it left him. The one we see is the physical scar on the outside. I can not and will not speak for Mr. Malarchuck as he lives with it every day. Clint was a fan favorite for the Washington Capitals so when he got traded to the Buffalo Sabres we still watched him play when possible. What really hits home is that the scars others see are not even the tip of the Iceberg. It is the underlying results of those injuries and incidents that push many into a world we often call darkness.

It's great when people are buying us drinks, throwing parties, late nights with new people in different cities. Try this and try that, is always nearby to tempt us with something new. We try to bury the signs while showing every one them. All those hits to the head that everyone was cheering for. Every time your head took that hit or made the hit the the scar gets deeper. You feel lost, in a haze and wandering around just to avoid being detected as being injured. Think the family does not notice the slurred speech and the way the sounds and light bother you? When the game is done where to we go and what do we do? Add in the fact that these internal scars are not just emotional. They are physical and in a very concerning way.

Some of these scars are so deep that the confusion around them seems so unbearable that many do the unthinkable. Often that action drives the darkness into others and before anyone can stop it the pain and pressure adds up and it becomes a battle for survival for more than just one person. What about the scars we don't see on the outside? How many choose to give up and leave family and friends wondering what they could have done? We are so bold to show our physical scars that people can easily see that we use them to hide the ones we don't want them to see. The ones we are dealing with every day and night. Those are the scars we need to be able to share and talk about but we remain too proud. This is not just Athletes or Veterans, it is in every day life and the scars are everywhere and in everyone. Shamefully, we retreat when it comes to some scars. It could show a weakness and that is taboo. 

Some people and organizations are helping others get back on their feet. We have way to many still wandering in that darkness. They may not show it on the outside or maybe they use something else to distract themselves and us away from the scar inside. Tragically, some are lost to that darkness forever. Often leaving family and friends wondering what they could have done to help. Too often it is one more drink, one more pill, one more drug, one more....and all we want to say is, "Please just one more day!", stay with us one more day so we can figure out how to help.

People buying us drinks, throwing parties, late nights with new people in different cities. Try this and try that is always nearby to tempt us with something new. We bury the signs while showing them. All those hits to the head that everyone was cheering for. Every time your head took that hit or made the hit the the scar gets deeper. You feel lost, in a haze and wandering around just to avoid being detected as being injured. Think the family does not notice the slurred speech and the way the sounds and light bother you? When the game is done where to we go and what do we do? Add in the fact that these internal scars are not just emotional. They are physical and in a very concerning way.

Those physical scars are not always external. That smile and laughter can often be the curtain hiding the physical pains and the only thing preventing someone from acting on those pains. I urge everyone to read James Mirtle article he did on a very important person in my life. A career built on fighting :by James Mirtle. It is a must read in my opinion because it clearly shows that we need to fight for each other and for ourselves even after the game ends. Rob Frid has been in the depths of darkness and fights to stay out of it every moment of every day. Fortunately, Rob is a true fighter in the most clear definition. I dare not think where he would be had it not been for his fantastic daughter and his will to live for her. She is his everything in life, as it should be. His struggles may help others realize they are not alone and that we must reach out and participate in helping our own lives. It takes so much more courage to be the person stepping up and exposing ALL of the scars that are physically impacting him and emotionally keeping things in check. The longer we hide or ignore the symptoms of injuries and its full impacts, the tougher it is to get out of the darkness. It is not impossible and its not always going to be a fairy tale life made for a Disney movie but we can help each other and ourselves. The amount of damage done to a brain in contact sports is now being evaluated by the major sports and the governing bodies. It is a step closer to minimizing the internal damage both physically and emotionally that can happen at onset or years later. Concussions are no joke folks and neither are the many unseen and undiscussed scars that we allow to impact us and those around us. 

Please, take time to reach out to someone and talk. It can be as important for you as much as it can be important for them. The scars we have are ours and we earned them every step of the way. So, own them and control them and do not let them define you. Lets be better stewards for each other and talk about those physical and emotional scars so we can prevent more of them today and in the future. Lets get to talking about The Scar Unseen!